Self-Esteem During College & How It Can Mess with Your Life

having self-esteemSelf-esteem is one of the most important aspects of an individual’s personality that can shape their identity and affect their entire life. Adolescence is one of the crucial periods in a person’s life when their self-esteem can significantly decrease. This is a rather challenging time because of physical and psychological changes that occur, as well as the newly discovered perspective of the world and its challenges. During adolescence, a person also makes one of the most important steps in their life – going off to college. This is yet another challenging and exciting period that brings numerous changes that can have a major impact on their self-esteem and, thus, their entire life.

 

Pre-College: The Roots

students studying

Experience before enrolling in college can greatly influence one’s attitude towards the upcoming period and their belief in their abilities to cope with it well. A person who has been bullied throughout high school and become socially alienated might be anxious about going off to college. Since these individuals typically have low self-esteem, they might think that they won’t be able to fit in, which can affect their academic achievements. Individuals who are simply uncomfortable about changing their environment or have social anxiety can also start their college years alienated from others and depressed, thinking that they won’t be able to get through it.

On the other hand, hardworking students confident in their knowledge will be enthusiastic about college. If they have a healthy self-esteem, they will be more likely to achieve academic success. However, students who have fallen behind with their education might encounter major changes that might be too overwhelming. These individuals should start preparing for their entrance exams early on to avoid disappointment. This is particularly important for students who want to study medicine because they might be under the greatest pressure. They should ask for additional help to get through this stressful period and talk to their teachers or school psychologist to see if they can guide them through the process. If they don’t feel comfortable asking them for help, they can always prepare online by opting for a comprehensive UMAT tutoring or GAMSAT tutoring depending on their high school education. This way, they will feel more confident in their knowledge and abilities, which will lead to better academic performance.

 

College: The Problem

young woman in glass house

College experience itself can be quite stressful and overwhelming, affecting one’s self-esteem and general personal development. Even a person who has got into the desired college can be disappointed because it didn’t meet their expectations.  With their families and partners being on the other side of the continent, they might feel lonely, depressed and anxious. They can start focusing on negative outcomes, which will lower their self-esteem and self-satisfaction. All of this can impede their academic achievement and cause them to become socially withdrawn and wallow in self-pity.

Individuals who haven’t got into college can also lose their self-esteem. They start doubting themselves and feeling as if they weren’t in control of their life. They can give up from trying to get into college next year because they believe that they will fail again. Even if they do try, the belief that they will undoubtedly fail will be a major source of anxiety, which can lower their chances of success. Consequently, this will reinforce their low opinion of themselves that they can have for the rest of their lives.

 

You: What Matters

young woman in fields

If you’ve identified yourself with any of these cases, it’s time for you to stop and take an objective look at your life. You should talk openly with your parents who can provide you with help and support. Don’t focus solely on the negative aspects of your life because they will only bring you down and prevent you from overcoming the challenges that you come across. If necessary, you can even make a list of both positive and negative sides of your life. Take a look at what you can change and how you can improve your self-esteem and then take one step at a time. Not only will this help you get out of the vicious circle of self-pity, but it will also help you be more successful at college, meet new people and have a healthy relationship. If you keep being insecure, there are people who might take advantage of your insecurities. If you believe that you can’t do it on your own, you can always seek professional help. A counsellor or psychologist can always help you overcome this difficult period and become a stronger person.

Adolescence and college experience will present you with many challenges that can affect the rest of your life. It’s important that you remain strong and self-confident because only then will you be able to overcome them.

 

Isabel Williams

Isabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.

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E-mail: isabel.f.william@gmail.com or  isabel.frank@ripped.me

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How Well-Being Can Improve Your Relationship

improve relationship

I am very fortunate to have the lovely Isabel guest post today. She is absolutely incredible as she speaks of what I feel so many couples and individuals need to hear. Her blog post is titled, ‘How Well Being Can Improve Your Relationship’. This article will certainly resonate with many. Take it away Isabel!

He is the one, and you know it. You feel so happy to have met him and that the two of you are in a relationship, and you should.

But then you start worrying that he might leave you for someone else, or that he might not like something about you. You even come to the point where you might think that you are no longer good enough for him. Then, you’ll start obsessing about your relationship, trying to make up in attention what you think you might be lacking as a person or a lover – ‘If I call him several times a day, he will know that I care for him, right?’ or ‘He can’t possibly leave me after all the attention I have given him”.

And this is where you have it all wrong. No man wants a possessive, needy partner who is unsure of herself, a woman so focused on her own flaws that she stops caring about their relationship. If that’s the case, they might actually leave.

But, there is a way to prevent this from happening. Some things can still be fixed no matter how broken they are.

Drama thing

fun picture

“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others– it only changes yours.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Research has proven that some of the most common dating mistakes women make relate back to the lack of real communication with their partner.

Imagine a situation where you come home after a bad day at work and you expect that he will notice that you are upset and ask you right away what the problem is. When he doesn’t, you get angry and resent the fact that he doesn’t know you well enough to realize that you need to talk to someone; or maybe he just does not care? Then, you start doubting yourself or thinking that there might be another girl. This might cause you to make a scene. After an argument you’ll only feel worse, because you know that is not how to be a good girlfriend, right?

Stop doing that and go for a different approach.

  • If you do not tell him, how will he know? Maybe he is also having a really bad day. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel without any drama.
  • Think about his feelings as well. The relationship is not just about you, so enquire about his day before unloading all the bad things about yours. Maybe he will share something good with you and you can partake in his happiness.
  • Small things are sometimes just small things. Stop overanalyzing everything and imagining the worst-case scenario.

 

Importance of self love

self-love

“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognised yourself as a friend.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

It is a well-known fact that people feel better about themselves whilst in the company of confident people. It transmits positive vibes and reinforces the positive opinion of oneself. Lack of confidence, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. If you tend to over-criticise everything you do, your partner will start feeling the same way about himself. Really unhealthy, isn’t it?

You were not always so negative about yourself. There was a time when you liked how you were and did not care about what others thought of you. It might have been during your childhood, your adolescence or even last year, but at a certain point, you liked who you were and cherished your flaws as well as your qualities. They are what makes you who you are. If you can’t resolve these issues on your own, consider other routes like self-acceptance books, or even acceptance & commitment therapy which is recommended by Heath Group Practice. Online counselling is also a great alternative, at least for the first couple of sessions and it’s great if you are a shy person. A fine example of this would be 7cups counselling.

 

However here’s two basic tips on how you can start to love yourself again:

  • Be kind to yourself and love who you are. That will give you strength to face any problems you might be having with your partner.
  • Embrace your flaws, nobody is perfect.

Hold on together.

couple piggy back ride

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.”

― Glenn Beck, The Christmas Sweater

Think of your relationship as one long voyage cruise across the sea – there will be storms but there will also be breath-taking sunrises. This is an adventure you share with the one you love and both of you must enjoy the trip if you want to make it work. Both of you must want to arrive at the same harbor and embark on a new journey. For that, both of you need to feel confident about yourselves and about where you want your relationship to be.

Changing your habits and beliefs is hard, but it is not impossible:

  • Reassure yourself that you are the person your partner wants to spend time with and let him know you want to be with him too. A relationship is two people going in the same direction.
  • Just enjoy your ride. You deserved it for all the love you are willing to offer.

Relationships are hard even when you have everything working for you. So, do not dwell on the negative all the time. Take his hand and face the horizon together.

 

Isabel WilliamsIsabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.

Web |Twitter | Facebook | Pinterest

E-mail: isabel.f.william@gmail.com or  isabel.frank@ripped.me

 

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Spell Classy With A Pink Dress

Hi ladies, I went to an awards ceremony a few months ago as part of the press team. It was lovely seeing all the fabulous and colourful outfits. They were mostly African wear or African print based. I love wearing African print, however, for this occasion I opted for one of my pink dresses. I call this a classy pink dress because I think it’s simple, conservative and playful at the same time.

smart dresssmart dress

I met up with my cousin the other day and she told me that my dress sense is conservative but playful. She gave me an example saying that I may wear a playful jumpsuit or dress but then wear a jacket to go with it. Well, I have you know that I am often known as the jacket girl at work because I wear so many jackets. Nonetheless, I usually dress quite smart for work. When I say smart I mean smart casual as we’re allowed to be quite flexible in terms of what we wear at work.

Classy Pink Dress

fun dress

I absolutely love how I wore my hair to this event. I sprinkled my hair with water and added some leave in hair conditioner, then I parted it into sections and plaited it. I went to bed and undid the plaits the next morning and just used my fingers or a tooth comb to loosen the curls before clipping my hair at the back. I then used my fingers to style the front of my hair in order to give it volume.

classy hair

So if you have a special event to attend during these coming weeks, why not buy a simple, yet smart and conservative pink dress and wear black heels. Such heels goes with almost anything. If you feel like going back in time slightly, you can do my hairstyle and I won’t tell. So, spell classy with a pink dress.

Hope you like my pictures as much as I liked taking them.

 

HettyAsh xx

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CreatHers Event – Reflection of 20.8.17

Hi all, I’ve been away for a few weeks as I was so busy organising the second CreatHers event which took place on Sunday the 20th of August 2017. It was stressful which I’m sure you can imagine as planning events are generally quite hectic. I planned the first event with the help of someone, but this time, I organised the event entirely on my own. It was a scary experience but I’m glad I did it.

Event Rundown

The event was all about envisioning ones dreams and goals for the future which enabled guests to create their own vision boards. This section if the event helped guests to reflect upon what they aspire to have and what they dream of becoming in the future.

female networking event

 

We had an incredible host called Talisa Wallace who manages multiple projects including creating an app and investing in business ventures.

vision board party

vision board party

We had incredible vendors who showcased their products and services that were also available to purchase. You definitely need to have a look at their websites as their businesses are very unique and bespoke.

cideas CreatHers Chevz Cases CreatHers The Lost Grad, CreatHers moreintome CreatHers Joli, CreatHersOur main sponsors were Heavenly Rainbow Cupcakes and Popcorn Kitchen. I saw people digging into the chocolate popcorn and the sweet flavour….mmmmm. The cupcakes were delightful. I particularly loved the oreo cupcakes which had oreo biscuit on the base. Zereena, founder of this cupcake brand supplied several flavours including tropical punch. It was so unique.

Guest Speakers at eventfemale networking event female networking event

The guest speakers did a fantastic job. Guests kept referring back to how amazing it was that the speakers shared their journeys into their respective fields, were honest and gave a real insight into their personal experiences.

Sponsors

Popcorn Kitchen

Popcorn Kitchen CreatHers

Heavenly Rainbow Cupcakes

Heavenly Rainbow Cupcakes, CreatHers

 

Vendors

Chevz Cases Vendor, CreatHers cideas Vendor CreatHers moreintome Vendor CreatHers Shopjoil Vendor, CreatHers The Lost Grad Vendor CreatHers

Guest speakers

Kandise Abiola – freelance TV producer

Lauren Kay – celebrity, commercial & advertising makeup, hair and body paint artist

Ronke Lawal – PR consultant and founder of Ariatu PR

guest speakers at event

Feedback from Guest

You know what? I think I’m talking too much. Below is feedback from one of our beautiful guests:

A memorable day for me. Ladies I didn’t know what to expect when invited to this event, but I must say I am thankful that I didn’t turn it down. This day was an amazing experience full of fun, laughter, lots of motivation, uplifting, inspiring and something I don’t get to witness everyday, women all in one room showing so much support, love,care, interaction and confidence. I am impressed by the detail that was put into organising this event which was very well presented, thought out and proof that we can all get along.

This CreatHers Event helps you to broaden your horizons and tap into your inner core, which some of us don’t get to do sometimes because of the everyday hustle and bustle of life. It helps direct you to focus on the things that you want/need in life and helps you to build a structure, a foundation for the things in your life, what you’d like to see in your life and what you really believe in. Even though this event was put together for young women Entrepreneurs, I really do believe this would benefit all types of woman of all ages because of its purpose. From the warmth and laughter that filled up the room, to the motivational speakers, the vision boards, refreshments provided and the networking.

For some women they wouldn’t necessarily know where to start or don’t even have the support they need in order to start their dreams/visions, this has opened up a door to many. We are living in such a microwaved world, full of control, idol, jealousy, envy, judgement, when in true fact there’s a slice of the cake for everyone!!!! Yes everyone can be successful!!!

From Melanie Ryan

Thank you so much Melanie!

Subscribe to my blog to be kept updated about future events or send an email to creathers@hettyash.com.

Hetty xx

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Shades of Brown and Fiercely Red

Hi guys! I love wearing brown. It suits my skin complexion. I feel like I could wear almost anything within reason and still look OK in it as long as it’s brown. Red in another favourite colour of mine. It stands out, it goes with a lot of other colours and most girls are infatuated by the vibrancy behind the colour red. How can you not be?

brown outfit, with a red jacket

I call this look – ‘shades of brown and fiercely red’. I feel fierce wearing this look because of the rich colour of brown and the bold red colour.

 

I’m wearing an animal print tunic top that has a tie around the neck and gathers. It gives it a more relaxed and loose look.

brown outfit, with a red jacket

The ¾ length brown trousers is also loose fitted. I love the material as it’s so comfortable.

These heels is one of my favourite as it’s a lot more comfortable than most heels. It has a cushion on the soles and although it is pointed, it is wide fitted for people who have wide feet.

brown outfit, with a red jacket

My jacket is waist length and is great for summer. It’s bright and smart and when it’s slightly cold, I can wear it to keep me warm.

red jacket and animal print

I love handbags that I can literally wear everyday. I guess that’s why they’re called the everyday handbag. The straps are detachable so I can hold the bag using it’s handles or use it as a crossover.

My fashion tip is to be bold when it comes to colours but not too bold that the colours are a complete mismatch. Animal print an brown colours go well with red. Pink heels can be the perfect combination when it comes to brown and red. I know – surprising.

everyday handbag

So there you have it,

 

‘Shades of Brown and Fiercely Red’.

 

HettyAsh xx

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