I am very fortunate to have the lovely Isabel guest post today. She is absolutely incredible as she speaks of what I feel so many couples and individuals need to hear. Her blog post is titled, ‘How Well Being Can Improve Your Relationship’. This article will certainly resonate with many. Take it away Isabel!
He is the one, and you know it. You feel so happy to have met him and that the two of you are in a relationship, and you should.
But then you start worrying that he might leave you for someone else, or that he might not like something about you. You even come to the point where you might think that you are no longer good enough for him. Then, you’ll start obsessing about your relationship, trying to make up in attention what you think you might be lacking as a person or a lover – ‘If I call him several times a day, he will know that I care for him, right?’ or ‘He can’t possibly leave me after all the attention I have given him”.
And this is where you have it all wrong. No man wants a possessive, needy partner who is unsure of herself, a woman so focused on her own flaws that she stops caring about their relationship. If that’s the case, they might actually leave.
But, there is a way to prevent this from happening. Some things can still be fixed no matter how broken they are.
“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others– it only changes yours.”
― Shannon L. Alder
Research has proven that some of the most common dating mistakes women make relate back to the lack of real communication with their partner.
Imagine a situation where you come home after a bad day at work and you expect that he will notice that you are upset and ask you right away what the problem is. When he doesn’t, you get angry and resent the fact that he doesn’t know you well enough to realize that you need to talk to someone; or maybe he just does not care? Then, you start doubting yourself or thinking that there might be another girl. This might cause you to make a scene. After an argument you’ll only feel worse, because you know that is not how to be a good girlfriend, right?
Stop doing that and go for a different approach.
- If you do not tell him, how will he know? Maybe he is also having a really bad day. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel without any drama.
- Think about his feelings as well. The relationship is not just about you, so enquire about his day before unloading all the bad things about yours. Maybe he will share something good with you and you can partake in his happiness.
- Small things are sometimes just small things. Stop overanalyzing everything and imagining the worst-case scenario.
Importance of self love
“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognised yourself as a friend.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
It is a well-known fact that people feel better about themselves whilst in the company of confident people. It transmits positive vibes and reinforces the positive opinion of oneself. Lack of confidence, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. If you tend to over-criticise everything you do, your partner will start feeling the same way about himself. Really unhealthy, isn’t it?
You were not always so negative about yourself. There was a time when you liked how you were and did not care about what others thought of you. It might have been during your childhood, your adolescence or even last year, but at a certain point, you liked who you were and cherished your flaws as well as your qualities. They are what makes you who you are. If you can’t resolve these issues on your own, consider other routes like self-acceptance books, or even acceptance & commitment therapy which is recommended by Heath Group Practice. Online counselling is also a great alternative, at least for the first couple of sessions and it’s great if you are a shy person. A fine example of this would be 7cups counselling.
However here’s two basic tips on how you can start to love yourself again:
- Be kind to yourself and love who you are. That will give you strength to face any problems you might be having with your partner.
- Embrace your flaws, nobody is perfect.
Hold on together.
“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.”
― Glenn Beck, The Christmas Sweater
Think of your relationship as one long voyage cruise across the sea – there will be storms but there will also be breath-taking sunrises. This is an adventure you share with the one you love and both of you must enjoy the trip if you want to make it work. Both of you must want to arrive at the same harbor and embark on a new journey. For that, both of you need to feel confident about yourselves and about where you want your relationship to be.
Changing your habits and beliefs is hard, but it is not impossible:
- Reassure yourself that you are the person your partner wants to spend time with and let him know you want to be with him too. A relationship is two people going in the same direction.
- Just enjoy your ride. You deserved it for all the love you are willing to offer.
Relationships are hard even when you have everything working for you. So, do not dwell on the negative all the time. Take his hand and face the horizon together.
Isabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.