A few weeks ago I published a post on How To Spot Red Flags In Early Stages of Dating Part One. I’ve been saying this for a while now but when it comes to dating, it’s not just about having fun, laughing and just ‘living the life’, it’s much more than that. I go to numerous talks based on love life held at Love Talk Live at the Rainbow Theatre in London. These talks are also international so just look them up online. I have learnt from my own experiences and experiences of others because after all, you’re not wise if you don’t learn from your own mistakes and that of others.The below points are literally what I’ve come to realise when it comes to dating. I originally published this post on Go Dates.
Family and Friends Say Hell No
Usually, family and friends have your best interest at heart. They often see things that we don’t see because we’re too infatuated about our new Mr or Miss to realise. One thing is for certain is that if different people who don’t even know or speak to each other are saying the same thing about a person, then it must be true. Trust me, they didn’t read each others’ minds, they have just noticed a thing or two about your new guy.
This doesn’t mean that you should run away just yet, but perhaps you should definitely pay close attention to see if what people are saying is indeed true. In saying this, you should never confront the person directly. This is because, if what your loved ones are saying is true and that you should be careful, your guy will just deny it and change his tactics.
He/She Puts You Down
One of the main reasons for being in a relationship should be the notion of finding someone who can add to your life, instead of subtract from it. You want someone who will add value. Well, news flash, not everyone will add value to your life, some will just take, take and take, until there’s nothing left.
How can you spot someone who puts you down either in a manipulative or open way? Well, 9 out of 10 times your spirit should be lifted up after having a conversation with them, if it’s not, ask yourself why? Do they appear to be very negative towards you as a person, such as telling you that you don’t do anything for them even though you’re only dating and they haven’t done anything for you either? Are they the last ones to cheer you on and instead of complimenting you, do they slate you?
If you’re unsure if they’re really this person who is just there to put you down, test them. Tell them about your future goals and ambitions or even point out a physical feature you have like your nose or arms. What do they say and how do they react when you bring up such topics?
This is an interesting one because the truth is everyone will hurt and offend you, however, some are worth fighting for. To be in a relationship you need to be thick skinned. I was the person who would be like, ‘I’m not going to be with that person anymore because he did this or he said that’. I was wrong for thinking that way, because no one is perfect.
If you notice that you’re dating someone who is always offended and upset by pretty much anything, then he or she is not ready for a relationship. There are some people who love to play the blame game. Everything is everyone’s fault but theirs. If they’ve upset you, it’s your fault, if you wronged them it’s your fault, if they made a mistake it’s your fault. Do you see the pattern?
This is the perfect opportunity to test the person in question to see how they react. Confront them about something they’ve done or said that upset you and observe their behaviour and what they say.
I am attracted to go-getters as in go get a job, go get some money and just go make something of yourself. We can all agree that life is hard and nothing good comes easy. Nonetheless, if you’re dating someone who appears to be stagnant in life and not really doing anything or going anywhere, that’s a big problem.
If they’re lazy about things like getting a job, then they’ll probably be lazy when it comes to things concerning you. Let’s face it, you don’t want to be the only one putting in effort when it comes to your relationship.
There are many other red flags when it comes to dating but these are definitely the most common. If you can watch out for these negative signs, you will save yourself from so much trouble and problems in the long run. A scratch can appear in a second but a scar can take a lifetime to heal.
Have you experienced any of these signs detailed above and if so what have your experiences been? I’d love to know your thoughts.