Self-Esteem During College & How It Can Mess with Your Life

having self-esteemSelf-esteem is one of the most important aspects of an individual’s personality that can shape their identity and affect their entire life. Adolescence is one of the crucial periods in a person’s life when their self-esteem can significantly decrease. This is a rather challenging time because of physical and psychological changes that occur, as well as the newly discovered perspective of the world and its challenges. During adolescence, a person also makes one of the most important steps in their life – going off to college. This is yet another challenging and exciting period that brings numerous changes that can have a major impact on their self-esteem and, thus, their entire life.

 

Pre-College: The Roots

students studying

Experience before enrolling in college can greatly influence one’s attitude towards the upcoming period and their belief in their abilities to cope with it well. A person who has been bullied throughout high school and become socially alienated might be anxious about going off to college. Since these individuals typically have low self-esteem, they might think that they won’t be able to fit in, which can affect their academic achievements. Individuals who are simply uncomfortable about changing their environment or have social anxiety can also start their college years alienated from others and depressed, thinking that they won’t be able to get through it.

On the other hand, hardworking students confident in their knowledge will be enthusiastic about college. If they have a healthy self-esteem, they will be more likely to achieve academic success. However, students who have fallen behind with their education might encounter major changes that might be too overwhelming. These individuals should start preparing for their entrance exams early on to avoid disappointment. This is particularly important for students who want to study medicine because they might be under the greatest pressure. They should ask for additional help to get through this stressful period and talk to their teachers or school psychologist to see if they can guide them through the process. If they don’t feel comfortable asking them for help, they can always prepare online by opting for a comprehensive UMAT tutoring or GAMSAT tutoring depending on their high school education. This way, they will feel more confident in their knowledge and abilities, which will lead to better academic performance.

 

College: The Problem

young woman in glass house

College experience itself can be quite stressful and overwhelming, affecting one’s self-esteem and general personal development. Even a person who has got into the desired college can be disappointed because it didn’t meet their expectations.  With their families and partners being on the other side of the continent, they might feel lonely, depressed and anxious. They can start focusing on negative outcomes, which will lower their self-esteem and self-satisfaction. All of this can impede their academic achievement and cause them to become socially withdrawn and wallow in self-pity.

Individuals who haven’t got into college can also lose their self-esteem. They start doubting themselves and feeling as if they weren’t in control of their life. They can give up from trying to get into college next year because they believe that they will fail again. Even if they do try, the belief that they will undoubtedly fail will be a major source of anxiety, which can lower their chances of success. Consequently, this will reinforce their low opinion of themselves that they can have for the rest of their lives.

 

You: What Matters

young woman in fields

If you’ve identified yourself with any of these cases, it’s time for you to stop and take an objective look at your life. You should talk openly with your parents who can provide you with help and support. Don’t focus solely on the negative aspects of your life because they will only bring you down and prevent you from overcoming the challenges that you come across. If necessary, you can even make a list of both positive and negative sides of your life. Take a look at what you can change and how you can improve your self-esteem and then take one step at a time. Not only will this help you get out of the vicious circle of self-pity, but it will also help you be more successful at college, meet new people and have a healthy relationship. If you keep being insecure, there are people who might take advantage of your insecurities. If you believe that you can’t do it on your own, you can always seek professional help. A counsellor or psychologist can always help you overcome this difficult period and become a stronger person.

Adolescence and college experience will present you with many challenges that can affect the rest of your life. It’s important that you remain strong and self-confident because only then will you be able to overcome them.

 

Isabel Williams

Isabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.

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E-mail: isabel.f.william@gmail.com or  isabel.frank@ripped.me

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Why Are People Jealous of You?

Why Are People Jealous of You?

Throughout my life I have been analysing the concept of jealousy and why some people possess this trait more strongly than others.

Destined For Greatness

It led me back to thinking about the bible and what it has taught me over the years. I have often heard that the “enemy” attacks us when we are in our mothers womb. So I started to think about this analogy on a deeper level. The enemy begins to attack us in our mothers womb. Why would he do this? At that point we are  defenceless innocent foetuses with the possibility to develop into a baby. Why would anybody want to attack such a thing? Then the quote came to mind, “jealousy is not about who you are but who you’re going to become”

Finally it clicked and it felt like a light bulb had just gone off in my head. You see the enemy knows that your destined for greater things way before you’re even aware of it, so in a strange kind of way a jealous person can also have this insight. Often I have been baffled as to why some people are so jealous of others, when looking into their lives, the jealous person ‘appears’ to have more, if we are thinking on a material level, but still they continue to speak badly to that person, and often they try to belittle them or dismiss their accomplishment.

I have experienced this type of attitude from others within my social circle, and I would think to myself why would so and so be jealous of this particular person when they ‘seem to be doing more in their lives.’ Again this quote popped back in my head, so I may not be all that I’m supposed to be now, but clearly they can see something that I can’t which triggers them to display this behaviour.

So what do you do now?

You must decide to turn this negative into a positive and begin to think and take steps towards what the jealous person can see. Clearly they can see that you have the potential to go places and make it big, so it’s time you buckle your seat belt towards this destination.

So next time your in an environment whereby you are experiencing this ‘jealousy thing,’ just think to yourself that you have a destiny to fulfil  that is so big that your got the jealous person and the enemy all shook up. And embrace this for it signifies who you are going to Become

Ephesians 6:12:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

xo Asiabee

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Under Achievement Means Unattractive Mess

Under Achievement Means Unattractive Mess

Hey guys and dolls,

I know it’s been a while since you’ve had a post from me. I hope you all enjoy reading this, you can thank me later lol.

So what do I mean by underachievement equals unattractive mess?

Well, speaking for myself I believe attractiveness is not based solely on looks but also on the persons personality, and where the person sees themselves in the future, and what footprints they have already left behind in pursuing this goal.

I will elaborate further. To take an example, when I used to go on dates, I would normally pick a man, who’s personality and attitude complimented mine. So being the hard working person I am, I instinctively would be drawn to a man who was more ambitious, and achieving more than I was.

So there was this particular time in my life when I thought I had met the man of my dreams. In the beginning he seemed so cool, so well established and full of life. But when I started to peel back the layers of onion skin, I began to see a completely different person. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but I would go on to say don’t judge a book by what it  exposes to you within the first few pages. You must dare to read and go further if you really want to know how the story ends.

Okay so back to this guy, his schedule would always seem so busy, and when he would explain what he did as a living, well I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I was so impressed, and I would get so excited whenever he would invite me out. But as time went by, I would notice that the majority of plans he had, had not come into fruition. I tried to ignore it at first and I would make excuses up in my mind for the reasons why his personality was changing. Also I felt a little sorry for him. Until the day came when slowly but surely he was expecting me to pay for his lifestyle. So when we went out to dinner he expected me to pay, when we went to the cinema he expected me to pay, gosh I even learnt how to drive before he did, and you guessed it, he expected me to drive him around!

So there I was thinking, how this attractive man could do a 380 degrees turn around on his personality, attitude and achievements. Was he playing a character all along? Is this his way of luring people in? Or did his life take a significant turn downhill? I truly don’t know the answers to these question, but one thing I do know is underachievement equals unattractive mess. So guys and girls understand that being attractive is not all about how good you look but also all the good things you have achieved.

xo Asiabee

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Should We Try To Please Everyone?

Should We Try To Please Everyone?

Hey people!!

This is a very interesting topic. I feel like I know what most of you are thinking and are secretly (or overtly) saying which is, ‘well obviously you can’t please everyone’! Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, I completely agree with you and I am digitally shaking your hand. I’ll explain why.

It’s like a guinea pig in a wheel – you’ll just keep running and running until you get exhausted.

When I was young, I was very shy, an introvert and a massive people’s pleaser. I remember a specific moment in primary school when I used to have a pencil case containing various pens. My classmates before the class had begun, for some reason, all asked to borrow a pen from myself. I said yes to each and every single person who asked until I had none left. As I myself needed a pen to use, I asked my teacher if I could borrow one of her pens. To her dismay she told me off stating that I had given all my pens away.

I was very young and although this example is very small, if you fast forward to today, you will find many people trying to please everyone which of course is an impossible task. It’s like a guinea pig in a wheel – you’ll just keep running and running until you get exhausted.

The below quote really hits the nail on the head.

‘Woe to you when all men speak well of you’ – Luke 6:26

There is definitely something wrong if everyone is pleased and happy with you al the time. Imagine an honest and sincere person; a person who tells people when they can and can’t do something and when they do not approve of a particular thing for example. Not everyone will be happy with this person but at least they will be true to themselves and not ‘fake’ so to speak.

If you focus on being the best version of yourself and doing the right thing, you won’t feel so trapped in an endless cycle of trying to fulfil everyone’s desires of you.

You as an individual have to constantly make an informed decision as to what is the best thing to do and what is right and wrong. Some people may want you to do something that is morally wrong, so you have to be able to have the backbone to say no. Some people may even try to guilt trip you and make you feel inferior or bad for not behaving in a certain way or performing certain tasks.

It’s great to help people, to offer your services and valuable time and to be there for people but don’t forget that you’re only one person – one human being,  so don’t try to spread yourself so thinly. In doing so, you might wake up feeling completely drained and exhausted.

If you focus on being the best version of yourself and doing the right thing, you won’t feel so trapped in an endless cycle of trying to fulfil everyone’s desires of you.

So that’s what I think and I live by this.

What do you think guys?

HettyAsh xx

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Every year Is One Step Closer (To Achieving Your Ultimate Goals And Ambitions)

Every year Is One Step Closer (To Achieving Your Ultimate Goals And Ambitions)

Hello guys and dolls,

If you’re anything like me, turning a year older once I was 21 got terrifying and I would no longer shout from the rooftops that it was my birthday. I then had a change of philosophy and started to see the year differently. I questioned myself on why turning a year older was so overwhelming rather than it being a blessing. The answer I got back surprised me. I realised I wasn’t setting enough goals and targets for my life, thus with each year of getting older I wasn’t achieving all that I had set out to achieve.

Flip The Script

I flipped the script, did some soul searching and believe me that wasn’t easy and I started to set goals, aspirations and life development skills for myself. Each year I would tick of my list the goals that had been achieved. By doing this, it gave me a sense of purpose for my life and it directed me towards the life I wanted to live as well as the necessary steps I would need to take in order to bring these dreams to fruition.

Goals

My first goal was to get a university degree in social work. I had always wanted a job that interacted with people and helped them to better manage their lives, so I did an access course for the year. I was thrilled to past the course which then gave me access to attend Royal Holloway University of London where I attained my degree in social work. So at this point, 4 years of my life had been dedicated to higher learning and I was completely fine with that because finally I was doing what I set out to do with my life on a year by year basis. Whereas, previously I would have been so disappointed that four years of my life had past by and I wouldn’t have had anything to show for it.

Winning Streak

They say that once you’re on a winning streak the blessings keeps on coming; this is so true. I would also add that once you have figured out the strategy and methods that work best for you, it is easier to then apply those same methods to multiple areas of your life in order to achieve your goals and ambitions. That’s exactly what I did.

Ultimate Goal

My other ultimate goal was to get married and have children. I honestly thought that it would be an impossible mountain to climb and I couldn’t see how this could happen. You see, just like so many other women, I had already planned my entire life so I knew that by the age of 30 I wanted to be already married with 1 or 2 children. However, when I got to 27 and had just broken up with the person who I thought I would be married to, all of a sudden I saw the perfect picture I had planned for my life become distorted. Once again I found myself feeling the same emotions I felt when another year went by and I would be filled with anxiousness and disappointment, (as I knew what I wanted to achieve was slowly slipping out of my sight).

Faith

However, with a little faith, self believe and refusing to settle for just anything due to the pressures of age and years, I had a break through. I met the man of my dreams at the age of 28 turning 29. We got married within 15 months and had a child together. I am elated to announce that I have recently given birth to another beautiful boy. I achieved all of this just before the age of 30. So now I can confidently profess, every year is one step closer to achieving my ultimate goals and ambitions.

Encouragement

Never be disheartened if life doesn’t seem to go according to plan because with a little bit of faith, focus, determination and planning, you will eventually reach your destination. Just know that every year is indeed one step closer to achieving your ultimate goal regardless of how small the step may seem.

xo Asiabee

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