How Well-Being Can Improve Your Relationship

improve relationship

I am very fortunate to have the lovely Isabel guest post today. She is absolutely incredible as she speaks of what I feel so many couples and individuals need to hear. Her blog post is titled, ‘How Well Being Can Improve Your Relationship’. This article will certainly resonate with many. Take it away Isabel!

He is the one, and you know it. You feel so happy to have met him and that the two of you are in a relationship, and you should.

But then you start worrying that he might leave you for someone else, or that he might not like something about you. You even come to the point where you might think that you are no longer good enough for him. Then, you’ll start obsessing about your relationship, trying to make up in attention what you think you might be lacking as a person or a lover – ‘If I call him several times a day, he will know that I care for him, right?’ or ‘He can’t possibly leave me after all the attention I have given him”.

And this is where you have it all wrong. No man wants a possessive, needy partner who is unsure of herself, a woman so focused on her own flaws that she stops caring about their relationship. If that’s the case, they might actually leave.

But, there is a way to prevent this from happening. Some things can still be fixed no matter how broken they are.

Drama thing

fun picture

“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others– it only changes yours.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Research has proven that some of the most common dating mistakes women make relate back to the lack of real communication with their partner.

Imagine a situation where you come home after a bad day at work and you expect that he will notice that you are upset and ask you right away what the problem is. When he doesn’t, you get angry and resent the fact that he doesn’t know you well enough to realize that you need to talk to someone; or maybe he just does not care? Then, you start doubting yourself or thinking that there might be another girl. This might cause you to make a scene. After an argument you’ll only feel worse, because you know that is not how to be a good girlfriend, right?

Stop doing that and go for a different approach.

  • If you do not tell him, how will he know? Maybe he is also having a really bad day. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel without any drama.
  • Think about his feelings as well. The relationship is not just about you, so enquire about his day before unloading all the bad things about yours. Maybe he will share something good with you and you can partake in his happiness.
  • Small things are sometimes just small things. Stop overanalyzing everything and imagining the worst-case scenario.

 

Importance of self love

self-love

“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognised yourself as a friend.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

It is a well-known fact that people feel better about themselves whilst in the company of confident people. It transmits positive vibes and reinforces the positive opinion of oneself. Lack of confidence, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. If you tend to over-criticise everything you do, your partner will start feeling the same way about himself. Really unhealthy, isn’t it?

You were not always so negative about yourself. There was a time when you liked how you were and did not care about what others thought of you. It might have been during your childhood, your adolescence or even last year, but at a certain point, you liked who you were and cherished your flaws as well as your qualities. They are what makes you who you are. If you can’t resolve these issues on your own, consider other routes like self-acceptance books, or even acceptance & commitment therapy which is recommended by Heath Group Practice. Online counselling is also a great alternative, at least for the first couple of sessions and it’s great if you are a shy person. A fine example of this would be 7cups counselling.

 

However here’s two basic tips on how you can start to love yourself again:

  • Be kind to yourself and love who you are. That will give you strength to face any problems you might be having with your partner.
  • Embrace your flaws, nobody is perfect.

Hold on together.

couple piggy back ride

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.”

― Glenn Beck, The Christmas Sweater

Think of your relationship as one long voyage cruise across the sea – there will be storms but there will also be breath-taking sunrises. This is an adventure you share with the one you love and both of you must enjoy the trip if you want to make it work. Both of you must want to arrive at the same harbor and embark on a new journey. For that, both of you need to feel confident about yourselves and about where you want your relationship to be.

Changing your habits and beliefs is hard, but it is not impossible:

  • Reassure yourself that you are the person your partner wants to spend time with and let him know you want to be with him too. A relationship is two people going in the same direction.
  • Just enjoy your ride. You deserved it for all the love you are willing to offer.

Relationships are hard even when you have everything working for you. So, do not dwell on the negative all the time. Take his hand and face the horizon together.

 

Isabel WilliamsIsabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.

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E-mail: isabel.f.william@gmail.com or  isabel.frank@ripped.me

 

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Has Dating Changed for Millennials?

Has Dating Changed for Millennials?

 Hi Guys, so for the first time ever we have a guest blogger. Usually it’s just myself and Asiabee who write blog posts for this site. Mia from www.highstylife.com has written this article on millennials and the dating world. She shares her perspectives, experiences and knowledge. Take it away Mia!

 

Today a new generation is setting the dating trends. Society has changed, the new technologies are making their mark and the rules of the game are entirely new. So, let us see how the millennials have changed dating as we know it.

Going on Dates

Traditional dates are becoming just an image we see on movies, where a man and a woman make dinner plans together and book a table at the finest restaurant in town. That’s not how the millennials roll, though. They prefer more casual hangouts during any time of the day and don’t require wearing special attire, bringing flowers and spending several hours of their time. They prefer to grab a coffee and simply hang out.

Diverse communication

Communication is something that was always done in person. Sure, people had phones, but they used them mostly to arrange the actual dates. Now, communication became much more diversified, as it can be done via texting, social media or phoning. Since all of this social media for communication are accessible on the mobile phone, talking is much more instant. This also means that a lot of important things can be lost in translation since reading the letters is never the same as reading someone’s face.

Technology as the third person in the relationship

 

One of the biggest dating mistakes millennials make is allowing technology to interfere with their relationship. And this doesn’t mean only by communicating via their smartphones. It has been some sort of a dating norm for couples to post their photos online (Facebook, Instagram), basically to show others how happy they are. Also, partners tend to check up on each other by “stalking” their social media profiles to see who liked their photos or commented on their posts.

Relationships as the next stage

In spite of all the novelties brought about by new tech and social media, millennials are still starting most of their relationships with long-term friends, work acquaintances or by meeting a friend of a friend. Real connections are found where there is already some degree of loyalty or commitment.

Times may change but people don’t

Technology and the changed circumstances definitely presents new challenges millennials are learning to overcome along the way. But, people are people, and they still aspire to the same things as the generations before them – meaningful relationship and long-term commitment. Although they tend to tie the knot much later than their parents, more than 60% of millennials who have never married would like to do so one day, and 80% of them think that romance is very important.

Millennials are juggling a lot of new things on the dating market, and sure, they make some mistakes while learning, but that is the essential part of the process. The most important thing is that, despite all the different trends, what matters the most remains unchanged.

Mia.

 

Mia TaylorMia Taylor is a fashion and beauty enthusiast from Sydney and writer for www.highstylife.com. She loves writing about her life experiences. Travelling and enjoying other cultures and their food with her husband is a big part of her life. She is always on a lookout for new trends in fashion and beauty, and considers herself an expert when it comes to lifestyle tips.
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Should We Really Follow Our Hearts When It Comes To Relationships?

Should We Really Follow Our Hearts When It Comes To Relationships?

Ever heard of the infamous saying, ‘follow your heart’? I have. Well, who hasn’t? One thing I have noticed regarding famous sayings and quotes is that a lot of them are not necessarily true. The quotes look nice, they sound nice and they even flow off the tip of your tongue so perfectly, but the shocking truth is that some are just misleading. “The heart is deceitful above all things” – The Bible, Jeremiah 17:9.

 

I can draw from my experiences and the experiences of others. Many women have fallen prey and victim to the endless sweet talk that they have received in the past. The type of sweet talk that never seemed to match with one’s actions. There are many who fall weak at the knees and feel so giddy that they just can’t believe how ‘perfect’ this new-found person seems to be.

 

There are many times where I’ve been told stories of where a guy wooed a girl so much that he eventually prepared a beautiful romantic meal for her in his home with roses. It was a dream. This woman slept with the guy and never heard from him after this.

 

Blinded by our Hearts

 

There are many instances where family and friends absolutely detest someone their loved one is dating. They see straight through his/her fake acts of kindness and gestures, their behaviour and their poor character. However, the person in the relationship sees this person as pure gold. They fail to see the signs of him/her being too friendly with the opposite sex. They repeatedly choose to stay with them after betrayals and even make excuses for them.

 

Somewhere at the back of their minds they know that something is not quite right. Nonetheless, because they love this person and they are controlled by their heart i.e. their feelings, they simply ignore what they know.

 

My mind is telling me no but my heart is telling me yes

 

Have you ever been in a predicament concerning your love life where your mind is telling you no but your heart is telling you yes? There are some people who cry wolf until kingdom come. They are always sorry for the same terrible actions they have committed. They apologise like the word sorry is going out of fashion and profess their love for you like no other. Yet, they repeatedly and constantly lie to you, abuse your trust, maltreat you and disrespect you.

 

They play on your heart and emotions and because you’re sensitive and caring, you accept their apology over and over and over again. You feel sorry for them and you love them, so for this reason, you cave in. You know that you should walk away but yet again you follow your heart.

 

That’s dangerous because the more you listen to your heart, the more hurt you will be and the more unwanted baggage you will unwillingly claim.

The heart can be erratic

 

One minute you want to be with this person and the next minute you break up. There’s a moment where you feel completely loved up and promise that this person will be your spouse in the future but then the next day you’re completely confused. That’s how the human heart is. One minute we can be on cloud nine and the next minute we can feel low.

 

Our emotions can be all over the place and if we follow them, we too can be all over the place, just like the wind. Which direction does the wind go? Everywhere. It flows everywhere.

 

No two relationships are the same and relationships are certainly not perfect. There will be ups and there will be downs. There will be arguments and disagreements but there will be joy and laughter as well. If you are led by your emotions you will act on impulse and always regret the previous decisions you made.

 

So guys, never follow your heart when it comes to relationships. Follow your mind, follow your reasoning and follow your intelligence. Of course, your heart will initially be drawn to said person because you’re immediately attracted to them for instance. However, that shouldn’t be the deciding factor of whether you should be with the person.

 

Love at first sight simply doesn’t exist. It is not real, there is attraction at first sight, lust at first sight, but certainly not love. Firstly, you can’t love someone you don’t know. Secondly, love is an action more than a feeling. You choose to love someone and to show them love. That’s why some state that they have fallen out of love with their partner. You fall out of love when you stop choosing to love them.

 

Can you relate to any of the examples I’ve mentioned? What are your thoughts?

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What Questions to Ask on a First Date

What Questions to Ask on a First Date

Hey guys,

I think this is such a controversial topic as so many people have so many different views. The notion of what type of questions, if any, should people really be asking on a first date is one that has many different views. If you ask me, I honestly don’t believe in dating someone for a period of time without actually asking that person serious questions and really getting to know him. I first published this post on Go Dates.

Up until recently, I could have been dating a guy for months and not really know him. I am happy to say that that has changed now that I spend more time trying to get to know the person instead of just having ‘fun’. If you’re anything like me, then you will want to know what type of questions you should be asking on a first date. These are in no particular order but I do feel that all of the below are very necessary topics and questions to bring up in a first date scenario.

 

Tell me about your past relationship history

It is so important to actually ask your date how many partners they have previously had and how long their relationships lasted for and why they feel it ended. At this stage you don’t need to know the ins and outs of how all his/her previous relationships went but you do need to know the basics. I hear too many people say that their past is their past and that they don’t need to talk about their past girlfriends for instance. This is completely wrong because guess what? Your past has a lot to do with who you are now. You can never really know anyone, if you don’t even know what he did a few years prior.

 

Cultural background

A lot of people think that knowing about someone’s culture is not necessary. However, they couldn’t be far from wrong. A person’s culture can give you an idea of what his parents and family may be like. It can also help you to understand his/her way of thinking and what they could expect from a relationship. In some cultures they don’t believe that women should work. Other cultures believe that you should have a child within your first year of marriage and view it as an abominable act if you choose to not have kids.

Understanding ones culture can help you to decide if the person could be right for you. After all, if you’re both sitting on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to culture, then initiating a relationship with this person could be a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Faith

Faith is such an important topic to bring up. Some people don’t have any faith, but other’s live by their faith, like myself. I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t have the same faith as me because that would mean that we wouldn’t see eye to eye when it comes to a lot of things. You have to ask your date if he/she has a faith and if so find out what it is so that you save yourself from a lot of trouble in the long run.

 

What are your intentions?

This is such an obvious question to ask, because lady, if you’re excited about getting married and your date isn’t even thinking about marriage then you might as well take your handbag and go home. The same goes for you gents because after all, you have to be on the same page to even consider going on a second date.

Photo credit - Charisma Jonesford

What are your goals for the future?

This has got to be one of the most broadest questions you could actually ask on a date. At this point, you shouldn’t make any suggestions but just listen to their response because that will give you an inkling into what their future plans are. If they’re saying they want to move to China and set up a school there and you’re thinking what, I don’t even want to leave the English border then you know they’re not for you.

 

How are you with your Family?

If someone tells you that they don’t have a good relationship with their parents or siblings, you should ask why. There could be a very good reason for this which consists of situations that are out of their control. If your date gives the impression that they don’t have a good relationship with their family that could be a sign that he or she won’t treat you very well either. How can someone respect you if they don’t even respect their own family?

 

What are you looking for in a relationship?

Do they want someone who is driven, ambitious and career focused or do they want someone who is laid back, chilled out and outgoing? You might meet what they’re looking for but even if you don’t at least you have saved yourself the trouble. On another note, you may find your date giving you a long and frankly impossible criteria of who they are looking for. If this is the case, it may suggest that they have too much self-love and are looking for the impossible when they themselves won’t be able to match such a criteria.

 

Tell me about yourself

This point immediately reminds me of a job interview. You’re sitting in a chair with the interviewer staring at you and he states that you should tell him a bit about who you are in the simple phrase stated above. They want to know what parts of your life and career you think are the most important. What details will you provide him with and what will you leave out. Well, it’s the same when it comes to dating. You want to know what parts of their life they think are the most important to talk about. This will definitely let you know what he/she views as treasurable to themselves.

 

Friends

What are their friends like? Do they even have friends? If they don’t is there a particular reason for this? How do they describe their friends? Are their friends in relationships or are they single? How does your date spend his/her time with his/her friends? All valid questions. It’s OK if they don’t have many or even any friends because that could just be due to a variety of factors such as work or maybe they are just more of a home-buddy. As the saying goes, ‘show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’. In this case, you haven’t met their friends but you can grasp an understanding of who they may be.

Dating is definitely not an interviewing process. In fact, yes it should be an enjoyable experience but you should ensure that you’re making the most of your time in this busy life. You don’t want to place all your feelings in a person who ends up not being right when you actually could have avoided it in the first place. Have a read of my post – How To Spot Red Flags in Early Stages of Dating.

Definitely don’t bring your notepad and pen to a date, but definitely have a rough idea of the type of questions you should ask. Find the right points of the conversation to bring up certain topics so that it seems natural and the other person doesn’t feel like they’ve been put on the spot.

What are  your experiences of going on first dates? Do you find that asking particular questions are helpful?

HettyAsh xx

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Under Achievement Means Unattractive Mess

Under Achievement Means Unattractive Mess

Hey guys and dolls,

I know it’s been a while since you’ve had a post from me. I hope you all enjoy reading this, you can thank me later lol.

So what do I mean by underachievement equals unattractive mess?

Well, speaking for myself I believe attractiveness is not based solely on looks but also on the persons personality, and where the person sees themselves in the future, and what footprints they have already left behind in pursuing this goal.

I will elaborate further. To take an example, when I used to go on dates, I would normally pick a man, who’s personality and attitude complimented mine. So being the hard working person I am, I instinctively would be drawn to a man who was more ambitious, and achieving more than I was.

So there was this particular time in my life when I thought I had met the man of my dreams. In the beginning he seemed so cool, so well established and full of life. But when I started to peel back the layers of onion skin, I began to see a completely different person. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but I would go on to say don’t judge a book by what it  exposes to you within the first few pages. You must dare to read and go further if you really want to know how the story ends.

Okay so back to this guy, his schedule would always seem so busy, and when he would explain what he did as a living, well I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I was so impressed, and I would get so excited whenever he would invite me out. But as time went by, I would notice that the majority of plans he had, had not come into fruition. I tried to ignore it at first and I would make excuses up in my mind for the reasons why his personality was changing. Also I felt a little sorry for him. Until the day came when slowly but surely he was expecting me to pay for his lifestyle. So when we went out to dinner he expected me to pay, when we went to the cinema he expected me to pay, gosh I even learnt how to drive before he did, and you guessed it, he expected me to drive him around!

So there I was thinking, how this attractive man could do a 380 degrees turn around on his personality, attitude and achievements. Was he playing a character all along? Is this his way of luring people in? Or did his life take a significant turn downhill? I truly don’t know the answers to these question, but one thing I do know is underachievement equals unattractive mess. So guys and girls understand that being attractive is not all about how good you look but also all the good things you have achieved.

xo Asiabee

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