If there’s anything that I’ve learned about dating that I strongly believe everyone should know, is that dating is about being vigilant and observant as opposed to just having fun. I’m a single girl, yes I’m not in a relationship. I hear you ask, ‘well what do you know about dating if you’re single’? It’s a very good question to ask.
I’ve been on countless dates in the past, attended major national love life based events and I attend weekly Love Talk seminar’s at least once a month. These events and seminars are hosted by married couples who profess that they have been happily married for years and guess what? I believe them.
I had a guy who was so complexed by my understanding of him after talking to him for a couple of months that he asked me if I had previously studied anything to do with psychology. The answer was and still is no. All you need to do guys is to be vigilant and observant when you’re dating someone and you will save so much heartbreak and stress in the long run. This article is simply a manifestation of my experiences, other people’s experiences and what I’ve learnt from said talks. I originally published this post on Go Dates .
There isn’t necessarily an art to spotting red flags during the early stages of dating, but the dating process is what I like to call, an assignment. You have to know and learn the right things about the other person and test them along the way.
Regardless of how you meet a potential partner, there will inevitably be both clear and more discreet red signs that will be visible if the person is just not for you. There are two obvious questions that spring to mind – what are the red flags and how can you spot them? Let’s delve in shall we?
When you’re dating someone there should be a level of transparency. Dating is the perfect balance between not owing the other person anything as you’re purely just getting to know each other, but wanting to make a good impression at the same time. Therefore, in reality, if the person is not transparent, then he/she is being secretive.
Secrecy and Lies
I have never heard anyone say that they have been in a happy and fruitful relationship with a liar or a secretive person. This type of ‘happy’ relationship just doesn’t exist. It brings nothing but uncertainty, confusion, insecurity, pain and stress. You could be with someone who is secretive and a liar for years and still know absolutely nothing about them, even though you may be living with them.
If you’re dating someone who is a compulsive liar and/or is secretive you need to run and run fast.
Catching people who possess these traits is very easy. You start off with asking them basic but important questions, for example, how many relationships have you had and why did they end? What do you do during your spare time? What job do you do? Paying attention to the responses and answers they give is also very important. A good trick is to ask the same questions in a different way on other occasions. It’s unlikely that they will answer you in the exact same way, but you will be able to catch them out if their answers don’t correlate or make sense.
When you’re dating someone there should be a level of transparency. Dating is the perfect balance between not owing the other person anything as you’re purely just getting to know each other, but wanting to make a good impression at the same time. Therefore, in reality, if the person is not transparent, then he/she is being secretive. I don’t mean that said person needs to reveal everything about themselves, because at this stage they really shouldn’t, but they should be able to tell you if they are going away for the weekend for example.
Lack of Character
Someone who lacks character is a person who says they are going to do something then don’t do it. They are those who are constantly changing their minds and they are what I like to call actors. They are insincere and their behaviour and reactions to certain situations just confuse you.
They can be so confusing that they seem to just appear in and out of your life like a yoyo. Well as they say, YOLO (you only live once) so why waste valuable time on a person like this?
Such people lack good and solid characteristics. You can’t trust them, you can’t believe them and to be honest, you shouldn’t be dating them.
If you’ve made plans with your date on several occasions and he or she continuously cancels or re-arranges with little or no notice then ‘Houston, we have a problem’. Someone who is serious about you would take things like this seriously.
Relationships shouldn’t be about running a race or competing with the next person.
Things Move Too Quickly
Relationships are supposed to be for long term purposes. With each relationship comes new lessons, new experiences, but also new baggages. Ideally, you don’t want to be jumping from person to person, so is there really a need to rush a relationship?
In saying this, there isn’t a specific timeframe to know if you’re ready to make it official, but I think we can all agree that there are certain things you need to know about the person before you make such a big decision.
If you’re dating someone who is constantly pushing you to take your relationship to the next level, that should be a sign that you need to cool things off a bit and figure out why that is.
Does he keep asking you to sleep with him, is she constantly begging you to introduce her to your family, or perhaps he’s talking about marriage and you don’t even know where he lives?
Relationships shouldn’t be about running a race or competing with the next person, so tell your guy to take a chill pill if such signs seem to appear.
Have you experienced any of these signs detailed above and if so what have your experiences been? I’d love to know your thoughts.