I think this is such a controversial topic as so many people have so many different views. The notion of what type of questions, if any, should people really be asking on a first date is one that has many different views. If you ask me, I honestly don’t believe in dating someone for a period of time without actually asking that person serious questions and really getting to know him. I first published this post on Go Dates.
Up until recently, I could have been dating a guy for months and not really know him. I am happy to say that that has changed now that I spend more time trying to get to know the person instead of just having ‘fun’. If you’re anything like me, then you will want to know what type of questions you should be asking on a first date. These are in no particular order but I do feel that all of the below are very necessary topics and questions to bring up in a first date scenario.
Tell me about your past relationship history
It is so important to actually ask your date how many partners they have previously had and how long their relationships lasted for and why they feel it ended. At this stage you don’t need to know the ins and outs of how all his/her previous relationships went but you do need to know the basics. I hear too many people say that their past is their past and that they don’t need to talk about their past girlfriends for instance. This is completely wrong because guess what? Your past has a lot to do with who you are now. You can never really know anyone, if you don’t even know what he did a few years prior.
A lot of people think that knowing about someone’s culture is not necessary. However, they couldn’t be far from wrong. A person’s culture can give you an idea of what his parents and family may be like. It can also help you to understand his/her way of thinking and what they could expect from a relationship. In some cultures they don’t believe that women should work. Other cultures believe that you should have a child within your first year of marriage and view it as an abominable act if you choose to not have kids.
Understanding ones culture can help you to decide if the person could be right for you. After all, if you’re both sitting on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to culture, then initiating a relationship with this person could be a disaster waiting to happen.
Faith is such an important topic to bring up. Some people don’t have any faith, but other’s live by their faith, like myself. I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t have the same faith as me because that would mean that we wouldn’t see eye to eye when it comes to a lot of things. You have to ask your date if he/she has a faith and if so find out what it is so that you save yourself from a lot of trouble in the long run.
What are your intentions?
This is such an obvious question to ask, because lady, if you’re excited about getting married and your date isn’t even thinking about marriage then you might as well take your handbag and go home. The same goes for you gents because after all, you have to be on the same page to even consider going on a second date.
What are your goals for the future?
This has got to be one of the most broadest questions you could actually ask on a date. At this point, you shouldn’t make any suggestions but just listen to their response because that will give you an inkling into what their future plans are. If they’re saying they want to move to China and set up a school there and you’re thinking what, I don’t even want to leave the English border then you know they’re not for you.
How are you with your Family?
If someone tells you that they don’t have a good relationship with their parents or siblings, you should ask why. There could be a very good reason for this which consists of situations that are out of their control. If your date gives the impression that they don’t have a good relationship with their family that could be a sign that he or she won’t treat you very well either. How can someone respect you if they don’t even respect their own family?
What are you looking for in a relationship?
Do they want someone who is driven, ambitious and career focused or do they want someone who is laid back, chilled out and outgoing? You might meet what they’re looking for but even if you don’t at least you have saved yourself the trouble. On another note, you may find your date giving you a long and frankly impossible criteria of who they are looking for. If this is the case, it may suggest that they have too much self-love and are looking for the impossible when they themselves won’t be able to match such a criteria.
Tell me about yourself
This point immediately reminds me of a job interview. You’re sitting in a chair with the interviewer staring at you and he states that you should tell him a bit about who you are in the simple phrase stated above. They want to know what parts of your life and career you think are the most important. What details will you provide him with and what will you leave out. Well, it’s the same when it comes to dating. You want to know what parts of their life they think are the most important to talk about. This will definitely let you know what he/she views as treasurable to themselves.
What are their friends like? Do they even have friends? If they don’t is there a particular reason for this? How do they describe their friends? Are their friends in relationships or are they single? How does your date spend his/her time with his/her friends? All valid questions. It’s OK if they don’t have many or even any friends because that could just be due to a variety of factors such as work or maybe they are just more of a home-buddy. As the saying goes, ‘show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’. In this case, you haven’t met their friends but you can grasp an understanding of who they may be.
Dating is definitely not an interviewing process. In fact, yes it should be an enjoyable experience but you should ensure that you’re making the most of your time in this busy life. You don’t want to place all your feelings in a person who ends up not being right when you actually could have avoided it in the first place. Have a read of my post – How To Spot Red Flags in Early Stages of Dating.
Definitely don’t bring your notepad and pen to a date, but definitely have a rough idea of the type of questions you should ask. Find the right points of the conversation to bring up certain topics so that it seems natural and the other person doesn’t feel like they’ve been put on the spot.
What are your experiences of going on first dates? Do you find that asking particular questions are helpful?